Tuesday, July 28, 2009
BB11 - IT'S THE JESSE SHOW !!!
This game is unlike any other game you have experienced.
We all have our favorite Houseguests, or Hamsters, in the Habitrail Big Brother House. Those players are out of the game or on their way to being Evicted.
This game takes you into the world of your least favorite Big Brother Houseguests, or Gerbils. The ones that will do absolutely ANYTHING to win the game. You know the ones that not only had an alliance with Jesse, but were true "BROWN NOSERS". This game takes "Brown Nosing" to the ULTIMATE LEVEL.
Your "Gerbil" will be subjected to the most unspeakable "Endurance Challenges" on their way to successfully traversing the dangerous course which begins with entering Jesse's Rectum.
The goal is to make it through without being EVICTED, or in this case, EVACUATED.
The Game Begins:
After selecting your least favorite HG, it is time to prepare their bodies for the challenges ahead. Seen here, Kevin is preparing himself in the Gym Room on The Jesse God-it-hurtz Sooo Good Cycle.
The Jesse God-it-hurtz Sooo Good Cycle is available with your Wii game purchase and allows all appendages & orifices to control your HG in the game.
The cycle has been fully tested and approved by several regular Online Houseguests. You can hear them activating their test models whenever you hear them say, "MUAHHHHHHH MUAHHHHHH MUAHHHHHH!"
The First Challenge:
You must successfully lead your Houseguest (Russel Shown Here) down the channel and transform into Colonel DD of Corn. This is done by finding and figuring out how to open the magic colonels of corn you find along the way.
The magic of the corn gives you the ability to complete your first endurance challenge, "The Fix & Repair Jesse's Anal Fistula Comp," and then continue on in the game.
The Second Challenge:
After gaining enough points and completing the first challenge, you are ready on to the ultimate in sci-fi adventures, "The Princes Leia's Light Sabering Of Jesse's Polyps Comp."
You must find the hidden alcoves where your new clothes and Light Saber are hidden. Once transformed you must lance the polyps before you are covered in puss and lose points.
The Third Challenge:
Jesse may not be good at playing pool, but he learned a few things in the orient while competing in the Amateur Live Sex Act Contests.
In this challenge, "The Autistic-Savant Baller Comp", you must align all of the pool balls, 1-15, in ascending numerical order. Is our Houseguest, Natalie, up to the challenge? Did she learn more than the oriental arts in fighting?
Play and find out...
The Fourth & Fifth Challenges:
"The Sheila's Surf & Turf Diarrhea Water Comp" & "The NO BUENO Bean Gas Chamber Comp" will be short and quickly navigated challenges, but they come with no warning.
The colonels of corn can be used as backpacks for carrying tools. You will need to find a "Mike 'Boogie' Board" & an "OMG...Chelsia Quieffed Again Gas Mask".
The good news is that there are no food competitions. The bad news is, you need to eat along the way whatever you are able to find.
You thought things were bad in the large intestines? You were wrong!
Lydia has moved farther inside Jesse than any Gerbil has made it so far & the accommodations are getting a little too close for comfort.
You can look forward to:
-The Oral Steroid Hurtles Comp
-The Bran Muffin Swamp & Chomp Comp
& MUCH, MUCH, MORE....
It's Evacuation Time:
At any point in the game when you run out of points, lose a competition, or do not successfully Brown Nose your way into Jesse's Heart (Literally), you will be Evicted from Jesse.
This is a very unpleasant consequence of thinking you are making Jesse happy, thinking you have Brown Nosed him enough, and thinking he is on your side.
Casey is shown on the precipice of Evacuation.
HINT: You have two ways to stop the Evacuation or getting yourself Backdoored, not just Jesse.
1) Find the left over croquet mallets & pummel Jesse's Prostate until he quivers and you get another chance.
2) Grab that festering & bleeding hemorrhoid and rip at it until he agrees to Evacuate a different Gerbil.